Santa and Banta wanted to go for camping They attached the trailer to the Car Santa wanted to make sure that the car is in good condition before they start So he asked Banta to go in front of the car to check the headlights Santa switched the headlights on Banta told Yeah It is working Then Santa switched on the High beam Banta told Yeah It is working ”Santa asked Banta to go to the rear side of the car to check the brake lights Santa slammed on the brake and Banta yelled Yeah It is working ”Santa wanted to check the Left indicator He put the left indicator Then Banta started It is working ooops It is not working It is working ooops It is not working

Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur Extremely pleased by this the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day I just want you to know the supervisor said that I m very pleased with the job you did today You re one of the fastest workers we ve ever had Thank you Sir said Santa beaming and tomorrow I ll try to do even better Better? the supervisor asked with astonishment How can you possibly do any better than you did today? Santa replied Tomorrow I m going to read the addresses

Santa and Banta go for hunting Santa has never gone hunting while Banta has hunted all his life When they get to the woods Banta tells Santa to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Banta checks out a deer stand After Banta gets about a quarter of a mile away he hears a blood-curdling scream He rushes back to Santa and yells I thought I told you to be quiet Santa says Hey I tried I really did When those snakes crawled over me I didn`t make a sound When that bear was breathing down my neck I didn`t make a peep But when those two chipmunks (squirrels) crawled up my pants leg and said `Should we take them with us or eat them here?` I couldn`t keep quiet any more

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners and the Lamaze class was in full swing The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan The teacher then announced Ladies exercise is good for you Walking is especially beneficial And gentlemen it wouldn`t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner The room got quiet Finally our Banta raised his hand Yes? replied the teacher Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk? Lamaze- A technique of psychoprophylactic preparation for childbirth designed to minimise the pain of labou

Banta wanted to determine if both his wife Preeto and mistress were faithful to him So he decided to send them on the same cruise then later question each one on the other`s behavior When his wife Preeto returned he asked her about the people on the trip in general then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress She slept with nearly every man on the ship Preeeto reported Disheartened Banta then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife Preeto She was a real lady his mistress said How so? encouraged Banta asked She came on board with her husband and never left his side

A woman went to the doctor s office Where she was seen by one of the new doctors but after about 4 minutes in the examination room she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story After listening he had her sit down and relax in another room The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the first doctor was and demanded What s the matter with you? Mrs Terry is 63 years old she has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant? The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said Does she still have the hiccups?

Santa and his wife Jeeto had just gone to bed for the night Just as Santa was about to fall asleep his wife shook him and said I hear someone breaking in At least two nights a week for twenty years Santa had gone through this He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out So this time also he went out for a routine check When Santa entered the den he was suprised by an intruder The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house As the theif was about to leave our Santa said You have to go and meet my wife Jeeto The thief said Why on earth would you want me to meet your wife? Santa replied Well she`s been expecting you for 20 years

Santa boarded a crowded bus with a bagful of purchases There was no vacant seat As the old bus rattled and swayed he supported himself precariously holding the bag in one hand the other hand holding the bar provided near the cieling Ticket ticket ticket the conductor made several rounds past Santa His wallet in his hip pocket and both hands engaged Banta did not know what to do Ticket sir the conductor asked again Santa thrust the bag into conductors hand and stuggled to take his wallet out when the conductor protested: I cannot be carrying passenger s baggage like this- I am the conductor Okay then give me the bag and here will you please hold the bar replied Banta

Santa goes to consult a famous specialist about his medical problem How much do I owe you? My fee is Rs 500 replies the physician Five hundred? That`s impossible In your case the doctor replies I suppose I could adjust my fee to Rs 300 Three hundred for one visit? Ridiculous Well then could you afford Two hundred? Who has so much money? Look replies the doctor growing irritated Just give me Fifty rupees and be gone I can give you Twenty rupees only says Santa Take it or leave it I don`t understand you says the doctor Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in This Friggin` town? Listen Doctor says Santa When it comes to my health nothing is too expensive

Banta was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning peacefully enjoying himself when his wife Preeto sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan Banta asks What was that for? Preeto replies What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Sheena written on it? Banta says Oh Preeto remember two weeks ago when I went to the races? Sheena was the name of one of the horses I bet on Preeto is appeased and goes off to work around the house Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting Banta says What`s that for this time? Preeto answered Your horse just called

Santa and Banta along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant While looking at the menu Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu What would you like Santa? he asked I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish Santa replied Santa you like meat and potatoes You won’t like that dish Banta said What do you know answered Santa I m getting it Santa I m telling you you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy You won’t like it Banta exclaimed I’m getting it and that is the last word says Santa A short while later the meals arrive at the table Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta “Where are my eggs?”

Santa and Banta met at the club for their weekly golf game And for the third week in a row it was raining too hard to play Banta: Well Santa what do you want to do now? Santa: Badminton? Banta: Nah Santa: Shoot some pool? Banta: Nah Santa: Cards? Banta: Nah Hey I ve got an idea We can go over to my house and fool around with my wife Preeto Santa: What do you mean? Banta: Just what I said We ll go to my house and we can fool around with my wife Santa: What about me? Banta: She s a sport She won t mind at all Santa: Well if you think it s okay At Banta s house Banta: Preeto I m home Sweetheart Damn She must have gone shopping Tell you what Santa Let s go to your house

Santa Banta and one of their friends are patients in a mental institution and are preparing for an examination given by the head psychiatrist If they pass the exam they will be free to leave the hospital However if they fail the institution will detain them for five years The doctor takes them to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool and asks the first patient to jump The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms Then Banta jumps and breaks both legs Santa looks over the side and refuses to jump Congratulations You`re a free man Just tell me why didn`t you jump? asked the doctor To which Santa answered Well Doc I can`t swim

Banta`s wife Preeto and kids all came down with the flu Upon returning home from the pediatrician`s office with his four kids he turned his attention to his ailing wife After preparing some chicken soup for her he picked up the phone to call her doctor The receptionist picked up and he related the situation to her She then told him that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days but that his wife could have an appointment in 3 days Banta went ballistic and yelled into the phone Three days? The doctor can`t see her for three days? She could be dead by then Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied If so would you please call to cancel the appointment?

Santa left work early one Friday but instead of going home he spent the weekend partying with the boys When he finally returned home on Sunday night his wife Jeeto really got on his case and stayed on it After a few of hours of swearing and screaming his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer How would you like it if you didn t see me for a couple of days? The husband couldn t believe his luck so he looked up smiled and said That would suit me just fine Monday went by and the man didn t see his wife Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn t see her Come Thursday the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye