Santa was in the hospital for a complete check-up At 11:00AM they brought him soup for lunch He refused it At 2 PM they again tried to serve him some soup which he refused Again at 5 PM and 7 PM they tried and both times Santa turned down the soup so they gave up In preparation for the next day s test they entered his room at 3 AM 4 AM and 6 AM and gave him an enema each time When Santa got home from the hospital after the tests he told his wife Jeeto Whatever you do if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup take it If you refuse it they sneak in while you re asleep and shove it up your ss

Banta owned a pub in the Ludhiana and in the summertime a swarm of flies seemed to just hover over the buffet table This had been going on for about a month Santa the neighborhood mooch walked in one day I m not giving you another free beer Banta hollered as he noticed Santa Santa was not without a plan however He approached Banta and offered him a deal I ve been noticing these flies for the last weeks If you ll give me a shot I ll kill every one of them for you Banta gave him the agreed-upon shot Once he had downed it Santa got up and headed for the door All right he shouted send them out - one at a time

Santa and Banta once go on a fishing trip They rent all the equipment - the reels the rods the wading suits the rowboat the car and even a cabin in the woods Mean they spend a fortune The first day they go fishing but they don`t catch anything The same thing happens on the second day and on the third day It goes on like this until finally on the last day of their vacation Santa catches a fish As they`re driving home they`re really depressed Santa turns to Banta and says Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks? Banta says Wow Then it`s a good thing we didn`t catch any more

Santa s son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship He said My dad s way faster than any of yours he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at striker s end One of the other boys said Oh yeah? Well my dad can shoot a bullet from his gun and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the bullrt hits the bulls eye Santa s son said Your dads don t even come close to being faster than mine My dad works for the government and even though he works every day until 5:00 he gets home at 4:00

One night Banta was walking home when a thief jumped on him all of a sudden Banta and the thief had a terrific tussle They rolled about on the ground and Banta put up a tremendous fight until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground The thief then went through Banta s pockets and searched him all over There was only a 25-paise coin he could lay his hands on The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Banta why he had bothered to fight so hard just for a 25-paise bit Was that all you wanted? said Banta I thought you were after the five-hundred rupees I’ve got in my shoe

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications He lands up in the enemy s camp called his boss: Sir there are 2 enemies soldier can I suicide now? Leader: No not for two wait till you see more soldiers Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now? Boss: Wait for more Banta: Sir now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers can I suicide now? Boss: Yes go ahead you will be a martyr don t worry about your family we will look after Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest

Banta wanted to get his beautiful wife Preeto something nice for their first wedding anniversary So he decided to buy her a cell phone He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features Preeto was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone The next day Preeto went shopping Her phone rang and to her astonishment it was Banta on the other end Hi Preeto he said how do you like your new phone? Preeto replied I just love it It s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there s one thing I don t understand though What s that sweetie? asked Banta How did you know I was at Sukhna Lake?

Santa and Banta were both fanatics about deep sea fishing Each would come back from fishing trips and tell the other big lies about the number and sizes of the fish they caught So Banta comes back from his latest fishing trip and tells Santa You wouldn t believe but in Bahamas I caught a 500 pound Herring Santa says That s nothing last time I fished in da Bahamas I pulled up an old lantern from a sunken American ship and the candle was still burning They both looked at each other knowing that the other was lying Finally Santa said to Banta Look Banta if you take 450 pounds from off your herring I ll blow out my candle

Once Santa and Banta got duty at the airport for the assistance to the foregin tourists One traveler asked Banta in Spanish Where to find city bus for Connaught Place” but Banta could not answer since he did knew the language The traveller repeated the same question in French German Japnese and English but Banta couldn`t answer because he didn`t know any of the languages Santa asks Banta “I asked you to learn atleast one foreign language and it will help you one day ” Banta said “That man learned five languages and couldn`t serve any purpose then how one language to me would have served any purpose

Banta sets up his friend Santa to go on a blind date with a college friend Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he s never seen before What do I do if she s ugly? says Santa I ll be with her all night Don t worry Banta says just go up to her door and meet her first If you like what you see then everything goes as planned If you don t just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh and fake a heart attack That night Santa knocks at the girl s door When she comes out he is awe-struck at how hot and gorgeous she is He s about to speak when the girl suddenly grabs her heart shouts Aaaaaauuuuggghh and collapses with a heart attack

Banta and his son who ran a modest motor spare-parts business won Rs 50 lakhs in a lottery They spent the money to expand the business to include spare-parts for imported cars They placed orders with foreign firms and got invoices in return They were foxed by the language: excel 929 two pieces Price 90 The line beneath read: Ditto eight pieces price 360 They could not understand what ditto meant so Banta went to ask a friend who explained what the word meant Banta then returned to his show-room and conveyed the meaning of the word to his son: Oye Main haan ullu da pattha tey toon hai ditto (I am son of an owl and you are ditto)

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat After he finished he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator The wife comes home sooner than expected and heads to the bathroom sits down and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear She becomes upset and in a panic shouts to her husband to drive her to the doctor She puts on a large overcoat to cover the stuck seat and off they go When they get to the doctor s office the man lifts his wife s coat to show their predicament The man asked Doctor have you ever seen anything like this before? Well yes the doctor replied But never framed

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed The reply was eleven The foreman patted the guy on the back and said Not bad Then he went to Santa leader of the second group and asked him the same question Two was the reply Two All you installed were two? The other group installed eleven The foreman exclaimed angrily Yeah Santa answered But you should have seen how much they left sticking out

Santa reported for his university final examination which consists of Yes/No type questions He takes his seat in the examination hall stares at the question paper for five minutes and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out removes a coin and starts tossing it marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out During the last few minutes he is seen desperately flipping the coin muttering and sweating The moderator alarmed approaches his and asks what is going on Santa replies I m rechecking my answers and I don t think I did very good

On leaving his office and reaching the tram stop Banta found that the tram bound for his home had just started moving Banta in his anxiety to get home fast ran after the tram In the course of time it was found that the race between the speeding tram and Banta ended with Banta reached home chasing the tram Gleefully upon entering the house Banta exclaimed to his wife that he saved 2 Rupees chasing the home-bound tram Mrs Banta however was not amused In fact she was quite upset and said After all you are only dumb-headed Instead of chasing the tram if only you had chased a taxi you could have saved 50 Rupees instead of a mere 2 Rupees