Banta is in Ludhiana He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower Banta says Yes Give me a thousand rupees and I`ll go get a ladder The man took the thousand and disappeared Having waited for several hours the Banta figured he was taken On the next day the Banta is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock Give me a thousand rupees and I`ll go get a ladder Banta gives him the thousand and says I am not a fool This time you wait and I`ll go get a ladde

Banta saw an exhausted Santa running up to him What happened to you Santa? There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today Oh really what happened? I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive He almost got me So how`d you get away? Well the bull kept slipping He slipped three times and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over That s scary If it`d been me I would probably have shit all over the place Oye I DID What do you think the bull was slipping on ?

Efficiency expert Banta concluded his lecture with a note of caution You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home Why? asked somebody from the audience I watched my wife`s routine at breakfast for years Banta explained She made lots of trips between the refrigerator stove table and cabinets often carrying a single item at a time One day I told her `Why don`t you try carrying several things at once?` Did it save time? the guy in the audience asked Actually yes replied Banta It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast Now I do it in seven

Banta`s wife Preeto goes to England to attend a two-week company training session Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip Preeto answers Thank you honey what would you like me to bring for you? Banta laughs and says An English girl Preeto kept quiet and left Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks So honey how was the trip? Very good thank you And what happened to my present? Which present? What I asked for the English girl? Oh that Well I did what I could now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl

A taxi passenger tapped the driver Santa on the shoulder to ask him a question Santa screamed lost control of the car nearly hit a bus went up on the footpath and stopped centimetres from a shop window For a second everything went quiet in the cab then Santa said Look sir don`t ever do that again You scared the daylights out of me The passenger apologized and said I didn`t realize that a little tap would scare you so much Santa replied Sorry it`s not really your fault Today is my first day as a cab driver - I`ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years

Would you mind telling me Doctor Santa asked how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal? Nothing is easier he replied You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble If he hesitates that puts you on the track What sort of question? Well you might ask him Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them Which one? Santa thought for a moment and then said with a nervous laugh You wouldn`t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don`t know much about history

Santa was in trouble He forgot his wedding anniversary Jeeto was really pissed She told him Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from to 200 in 10-15 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE The next morning Santa got up early and left for work When Jeeto woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway Confused Jeeto put on her robe and ran out to the driveway brought the box back in the house She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale Santa has been missing since Friday

A man walking down the street came upon Santa and Banta who are trying to measure an up-right pole with a yard stick Along comes this really big musclebound shmuck and says Hey what are you guys doing? Santa and Banta say We re trying to measure the height of this pole The man wraps his arms around the pole pulls it out of the ground lays it down and measures it Then he picks it up puts it back in the ground and says 22 feets and walks away Santa was now quite mad and yelled back You idiot we were not trying to see how long it was I need to know how high it is

One day Santa went to an auction While there he bid on an exotic parrot He really wanted this bird so he got caught up in the bidding Santa kept on bidding but kept getting outbid so he bid higher and higher and higher Finally after he bid way more than he intended he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his As he was paying for the parrot he said to the Auctioneer I sure hope this parrot can talk I would hate to have paid this much for it only to find out that he can`t talk Don`t worry said the Auctioneer He can talk Who do you think kept bidding against you?

Santa got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different Something unusual was about to happen He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o`clock He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month Threes - that was it Santa grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section Sure enough in the 3rd race there was a horse named Trio Santa hurried to the bank drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win The horse ran third

Santa is a store manager One day he overheard a clerk saying to a customer No ma`am we haven`t had any for some weeks now and it doesn`t look as if we`ll be getting any soon Alarmed by what was being said Santa rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said That isn`t true ma`am Of course we`ll have some soon In fact we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago Then Santa drew the clerk aside and growled Never never never never say we don`t have something If we don`t have it say we ordered it and it`s on its way Now what was it she wanted? Rain

Santa came to Chennai and wanted to do shopping in Burma Bazaar His Tamilian friend told him that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price Santa went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs Santa asked for Rs 1000 The vendor told he can give for Rs 1800 for which Santa told no no only Rs 900 Vendor told ok I will give it for 1500 Rs for which Santa bargained for Rs 750 It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said I will give you the stereo free of cost Santa asked Will you give two?

Santa goes to the podiatrist with a swollen foot After a careful examination the doctor hands him a pill that looks big enough to choke a horse I will be right back with some water the doctor tells him The doctor has been gone a while and Santa is losing his patience He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat Santa then hobbles back into the examining room Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water Ok after the tablet dissolves soak that foot for about 20 minutes

Santa goes to the podiatrist with a swollen foot After a careful examination the doctor hands him a pill that looks big enough to choke a horse I will be right back with some water the doctor tells him The doctor has been gone a while and Santa is losing his patience He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat Santa then hobbles back into the examining room Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water Ok after the tablet dissolves soak that foot for about 20 minutes

BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier Santa purchased a new BMW and was driving back to home very happily On the way the car broke down Santa came out of the car and opened the bonnet trying to fix up the problem Immediately began to sweat By that time Banta came by that way and saw our Santa totally confused and sweating trying to search something inside the bonnet and asked him what was the matter Santa: The BMW people made me fool They have given me the Car without the engine Banta: Don`t worry I have spare engine in the back of my BMW You can take that