Santa heard his son reciting his homework: Two plus two the son of a bitch is four; four plus four the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight the son of a bitch ` Shut up shouted furoius Santa Watch your language You`re not allowed to use the swearwords But Dad replied the boy that`s what the teacher taught us and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it Next day Santa went right into the classroom to complain Oh heavens said the teacher That`s not what I taught them They`re supposed to say `Two plus two the sum of which is four `

Banta went to see the movie Jurassic Park which was running to packed houses in Chandigarh One of the shots showed the dinosaurs running directly towards the audience and Banta lowered in his seat Seeing his state his friend Santa asked Kyon kya baat hai? Dar kyoun lag raha hai? Cinema hi hai (Why what`s the matter? Why are you afraid? It s only a film ) Banta replied AAdmi hoon aur akkal hai pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to jaanwar hai usko kya kya pata (I am human and have a mind I know it s a film but that is an animal what does it know )

Banta had been arrested and was now up before the judge The judge asks Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times? Yes replies Banta Could you please tell the court what you stole asks the judge I stole a dress your honour replies Banta Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times says the judge Yes I did your honour says Banta but on two of those occasions I broke in to return the dress I took before Return the dress? Why? I don t understand says the judge Because my wife Preeto didn t like the design your honou

Banta was carrying two babies one in each arm while waiting for a train Along came this woman and seeing the two cute babies started asking the man Aren`t they cute what are their names? Banta giving the lady an angry look replied I don`t know The lady asked Which is a boy and which is a girl? Banta looking angrier than before replied I don`t know The woman then started to scold the man What kind of a father are you? Banta replied I am not their father I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company

A taxi driver driving a Mercedes-Benz picked Santa at the airport one day When Santa got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for The driver replied Why? It`s for lining it up at people so you can run them down Ah I see said Santa With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman but at the last second swerves away and hears a loud bang he looks curiously over at Santa who is hanging out of the car with the door wide open: I thought you were going to miss there for a minute

Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his apartment block But when he got home he realized that his wallet was missing and burst into tears What s the matter? asked his wife I ve lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees he wailed I think I put it in my inside coat pocket but it s not there now Did you look in the pockets of your pants? Yes but the money isn t there either What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there? Of course not he snapped Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?

Banta went to helicopter flight training wanting to learn to fly that day The owner agreed to him up and instruct him by radio He showed him the start up and basic procedures and up he went At 1000 feet Banta radioed I`m doing great I love it I`m really getting the hang of it The instructor watched him climb to over 3000 feet then watched in horror as the helicopter began a dive and crashed nearby He ran over and pulled him from the wreck asking What happened? He said I don`t know Everything was going fine until I got cold and turned off that big fan

Banta was not home at his usual hour and his wife Preeto was fuming as the clock ticked later and later Finally about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door and as she stood at the top of the stairs there was Banta drunk as a skunk trying to navigate the stairs Do you realize what time it is? she asked He answered Don t get excited I m late because I bought something for the house Immediately her attitude changed and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway she asked What did you buy for the house dear? Banta s answer was A round of drinks

Banta Preeto and I are going to get a divorce Santa was stunned Why? What happened you two seem so happy together Well he said ever since we got married Preeto has tried to change me She got me to stop drinking smoking running around at all hours of the night and more She taught me how to dress well enjoy the fine arts gourmet cooking classical music and how to invest in the stock market Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you Santa probed Nah I`m not bitter Now that I`m so improved she just isn`t good enough for me

Two guys were roaring down a country road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over His leather jacket had a broken zipper and he told his friend I can t drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that Just put the jacket on backwards his friend advised They continued down the road but around the next bend they lost control and wiped out Banta came upon the accident and ran to call the police They asked him Are they showing any signs of life? Well Banta explained the driver was until I turned his head around the right way

Banta had been in the hospital for days His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn t take much more One day during breakfast he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass In her annoying voice she snickered It seems we are a little cloudy today Banta put on his angry face snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps saying Well I ll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time

A man walking down the street comes across two persons in the midst of a fight One seems to have the upper hand He is sitting on the other belly and with each punch he lands shouts Chaddu ga nahin Bante (I won`t leave you Banta ) The person at the receiving end cries a bit and then laughs a lot Bystander: Bhai Sahib ro kuan rahey ho (Brother why are you crying?) The person below: Dard ho rahi hai (It is hurting) Bystander: Phir Haans kyon rahey ho ?(Then why are you laughing?) The person below: Mera naam Banta nahi Santa hai (My name is not Banta but Santa)

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner Banta After some wheeling and dealing they settled for Rs 35 000 for the duck and the pot Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger Your duck is a rip-off I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn`t dance a single step Well said Banta Did you remember to light a candle under the pot?

Santa and Jeeto were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Tamil baby boy and they took him without hesitation On the way home from the adoption center they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses After they filled out the forms the registration clerk inquired What ever possessed you to study Tamil? Santa and Jeeto said proudly We just adopted a Tamil baby and in a year or so he`ll start to talk We just want to be able to understand him

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down the girl has her finger in his butt and she s reaming away with a vengeance The cop says What the hell is going on? The girl says This is my date When I told him I wouldn t spend the night with him he started pounding down the booze Now he s too drunk to drive me home so I m trying to sober him up by making him puke The cop says That s not going to make him puke She says Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth