An American and a Russian archaeologist were bragging to Santa The Russian said that while digging an ancient ruin in Russia he came across some thick cables; therefore he claimed that Russians had the telegraph system long before it was invented The American said that while digging a ruin in America he found thin cables This indicated that his ancestors used telephones Now it was the turn of our great Santa He said that while digging ruins in India men could find nothing; no cables no wires It clearly proves that his ancestors used the most sophisticated wireless system

Santa and his friend are watching a film in a theatre Just before the interval they see a man standing on the rooftop looking down During the break the friend says to Santa: I bet the man will jump and break his bones Santa says: No I am sure he would notSo they decide that whoever looses treats the other to a drink after the film Santa loses When they are having the drink the friend says: I must confess that the bet was not fair I was seeing the film for the second time so I knew what was going to happen Santa replies: Same here but I was sure the fool would not jump again

Santa buys a ticket and wins the lottery He goes to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number Santa says I want my 10 million The man replied No sir It doesn`t work that way We give you a million today and then you`ll get the rest spread out for the next 9 years Santa said Oh no I want all my money right now I won it and I want it Again the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 9 years Santa furious with the man screams out Look I want my money If you`re not going to give me my 10 million right now then I want my Rs 100 back

Once Santa was on a travelling by train As fate should have he was in the last compartment Now the problem was whenever the train stopped at a station his compartment would never be on the platform So the poor guy always had to jump out at stations to fetch water and eatables By the time he reached his destination Santa was really pepped up and ran straight to the station master`s office to lodge a complaint This is what he wrote Please see to it that there is no last compartment in any train If you still insist on having a last compartment please put it somewhere in the middle

Santa is a evening bird lover One day he stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot So he thought he`d give a hoot back To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again The next night the same scenario occurred All summer Santa and his feathered friend hooted back and forth He even kept a log of the conversations Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication his wife Jeeto had a chat with Preeto (Mrs Banta) her next door neighbour My husband spends his nights calling to owls she said That`s odd the neighbour replied So does my husband

Banta went to a grocery store while in America collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items Banta asked Where is the fat ? Person didn`t understand what Banta was saying and said Excuse me sir FAT? Banta: Yes Fat Give me the fat Banta started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Banta about the problem Banta said Hey Manager look I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written FAT FREE on that but this guy is not giving me the fat

Santa walks into a bar and says Bartender give me a shot of the strongest thing you ve got He takes the shot glass and knocks it back He then asks for another one and knocks that on back too After about five or six of these the bartender decides that he s going to cut the guy off Bartender says to Santa Hey what s wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something? Santa sighs and says Yeah after the fight she said that she wasn t going to speak to me for a whole month The bartender puzzled says Well what s wrong with that? Santa replied Well today s the last day

Santa sets up Banta to go on a blind date with a friend of his But Banta is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before What do I do if she s ugly? says Banta I ll be stuck with her all night Don t worry Santa says Just go up to her door and meet her first If you like what you see then everything goes as planned If you don t just shout Aaauuuggghhh and fake an asthma attack So that night Banta knocks at Shirleys door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is Banta s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts Aaauuuggghhh

Just as Santa was about to fall asleep his wife shook him and said I hear someone breaking in At least two nights a week for twenty years Santa had gone through this He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out So he went out for a routine check When Santa entered the den he was suprised to see a thief The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house As the theif was about to leave Santa said You have to go and meet my wife Jeeto The thief said Why would you want me to meet your wife? Santa replied Well she s been expecting you from 20 years

Santa decided to visit his brother in Chennai He assumed that most madrasis would speak English but found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train He punched Santa`s ticket then chatted cordially for a bit making gestures like a windmill Santa simply nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested When he had gone a man in the compartment leaned forward and asked if he spoke Tamil `No ` Santa confessed `Then that explains ` the man said `why you didn`t bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train `

Santa and Banta went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days As they slid in to a booth Banta wiped some crumbs from the seat Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus No thanks said Santa I ll just have a cup of black coffee I ll have black coffee too Banta said And please make sure the cup is clean The waitress shot him a nasty look She turned and marched off in to the kitchen Two minutes later she was back Two cups of black coffee she announced Which one of you wanted the clean cup?

Once our Santa ended up getting drunk at this place called the Golden Cafe Well he comes home and tells his wife Jeeto `You wouldn`t believe it there The floor is gold the ceiling`s gold the chandelier is gold even the urinals are gold ` Jeeto can`t believe this so she calls the place up and asked to speak with the manager She said `Is it true that your floor is gold?` The guy says `Yes ` The wife continues down the list `Is it true that even your urinals are gold?` The manager turns around to another guy and says `Hey I think we found the guy who messed up your saxophone last night `

Banta is sitting at the bar in his local tavern furiously imbibing shots of whiskey Santa happens to come into the bar and sees him Banta says the shocked Santa what are you doing? I ve known you for over fifteen years and I ve never seen you take a drink before What s going on? Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass Banta replies My wife just ran off with my best friend He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp But says Santa man I m your best friend Banta turns to Santa looks at him through bloodshot eyes smiles and then slurs Not anymore He is

Santa goes into a store and sees a shiny object He asks the clerk What is that shiny object? The clerk replies That is a thermos flask Santa then asks What does it do? The clerk responds It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold Santa says I ll take it The next day he walks into work with his new thermos His boss sees him and asks What is that shiny object with you? He said It s a thermos flask The boss then says What does it do? He replies It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold The boss said Wow what do you have in it? Santa replies Two cups of coffee and a coke flask

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models Santa says to the Banta Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog? Banta replies Yes they are very beautiful And look at the price Santa says with wide eyes Wow they aren t very expensive At this price I m buying one Banta smiles and pats him on the back Good idea Order one and if she s as beautiful as she is in the catalog I will get one too Three weeks later Banta asks Santa Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog? Santa replies No but it shouldn t be long now I got her clothes yesterday