A man is driving down a country road when he spots Santa standing in the middle of a huge field of grass He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there doing nothing looking at nothing The man gets out of the car walks all the way out to our Santa and asks him Ah excuse me sir but what are you doing? Santa replies I m trying to win a Nobel Prize How? asks the man puzzled Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field

Banta complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night Before it happens do you see any dreams? the doctor asked Yes doctor Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says Let s pee OK the doctor said Next time you see the demon say No we ve already peed Next time Banta came to the doctor the latter asked So did you do as I said? Yes I did Did it help? No doctor Only it made the matter worse How? As I said We ve already peed the demon nodded and said Then let s shit a little

Banta complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night Before it happens do you see any dreams? the doctor asked Yes doctor Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says Let s pee OK the doctor said Next time you see the demon say No we ve already peed Next time Banta came to the doctor the latter asked So did you do as I said? Yes I did Did it help? No doctor Only it made the matter worse How? As I said We ve already peed the demon nodded and said Then let s shit a little

A busload of American tourists were heading towards Punjab on G T Road when suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes Lying on the road in front was Santa with his ear to the ground Passengers trooped out of the bus and crowded around him Hey what are you doing down there pal? asked one of the tourists Santa slowly raised his head and replied Green Matador 25 km away travelling at 80 km Wow exclaimed the tourist You can tell us that by listening to the road? No croaked Santa I fell off the damned thing

How come you`re late? asks the Manager as Santa walks in the door It was awful Santa explains I was walking down Mall road and there was this terrible accident A man was lying in the middle of the road He`d been thrown from his car His leg was broken his skull was fractured and there was blood everywhere Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute What did you do? asks the Manager Santa says I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself from fainting

Daddy where did I come from? the seven-year-old asked her father Santa It was a moment for which Santa and Jeeto had carefully prepared They took her into the living room got out the encyclopedia and several other books and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction affection love and reproductions Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly Does that answer your question? Santa asked Not really the little girl said Dolly said she came from Delhi I want to know where I came from

Santa was wandering around in a field thinking about how good his wife Jeeto had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her He asked God Why did you make her so kind hearted? The Lord responded So you could love her my son Why did you make her so good looking? So you could love her my son Why did you make her such a good cook? So you could love her my son Santa thought about this Then he said I don`t mean to seem ungrateful or anything but why did you make her so stupid? So she could love you my son

A visitor to the capital approached a man at a bus stand and asked Sir will this bus go to Connaught Place? Ya replied the man Not understanding what the word meant he asked another who likewise replied Ya So did the third and the fourth man Then he approached Santa and asked the same question He replied Yes sir it does The visitor further asked What does Ya mean? Why did you reply Yes sir ? Sir Ji an educated person always says Yes Sir Only the uneducated say Ya replied Santa Are you an educated person? Ya

Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar Santa walks in and asks the barman Isn`t that Bush and Powell? The barman says Yep thats them So the Santa walks over and says Hello what are you guys doing? And Bush says We`re planning world war 3 And Santa says Really? What`s going to happen? And Bush says Well we`re going to kill 140 million Afghans this time and one bicycle repairman And Santa exclaimed A bicycle repairman? So Bush turns to Powell and says See I told you no-one would worry about the 140 million Afghans

One night Peeto doesn t return home The next morning when Banta demands to know where she was all night she claims she stayed at a friends house Banta rings around her 10 best friends and they all say Jeeto didn t stay at their place last night One night Banta doesn t return home The next morning when Jeeto demands to know where he was all night he claims he stayed at a friends house Jeeto rings around his 10 best friends 8 of them say Banta did stay at their place last night and the other 2 claim he is still there

Banta lost both ears in an accident No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution He heard of a very good one in Mumbai and went to him The new surgeon examined him thought a while and said Yes I can put you right After the operation bandages off stitches out he goes to his hotel The morning after in a rage he calls his surgeon and yells You bastard you gave me a woman`s ears Well an ear is an ear it makes no difference whether it is a man`s or a woman`s You`re wrong I hear everything but I don`t understand a thing

Santa walked into a bar one evening sat down and said Bar man give me 1 bottle of beer and give everybody here 2 bottles As I am drinking let them be drinking The bar man obeyed Everybody hailed Santa As they were all drinking Santa said Bar man give me 1 bowl of chicken soup and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each as I am eating let them be eating The bar man obeyed Everybody praised Santa Minutes later Santa said Bar man bring me my bill and bring everybody their bill as I am paying let them be paying

Santa went to an auction and bid for a parrot Santa bid 1000 rupees but someone else bid 2000 Santa bid 2500 rupees but someone else bid 3000 Rupees Santa bid 3500 rupees but someone else bid 4000 Rupees Santa was determined to buy the bird and put in a final bid of 4500 Rupees This time there were no other bids and the parrot was sold to Santa That s a lot of money I ve paid for this bird said Santa to the auctioneer I hope he can talk Of course he can replied the auctioneer Who do you think was bidding against you?

There were three guys including Santa talking in the pub Two of them were talking about the amount of control they had over their wives while Santa remained quiet After a while one of the first two turns to Santa and says: Well what about you what sort of control do you have over your wife? Santa says: I`ll tell you Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees The first two guys were amazed What happened then? they asked Well Santa said she told me to `get out from under the bed and fight like a man`

Santa was recently hired at an office His first task was to go out for coffee Eager to do well his first day on the job he grabbed a thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop Santa held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take his order Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee? Santa asked The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos hesitated a few seconds then finally replied Yeah It looks like about six cups to me Oh good Santa sighed in relief I`ll have three regular and three black