The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogethe

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support

You ve one mouth and two ears use them in that proportion

An egotist a person more interested in himself than in me

The last time anyone told me I looked hot I was in a Sauna

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out

Don t marry a tennis player For love means nothing to them

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt

Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today

Sign over a gynecologist s office: Dr Jones at your cervix

Your lucky number is 6478389077163 Watch for it everywhere

If athletes get athlete s foot do astronauts get mistletoe?

Deja Moo: The feeling that you ve heard this bulls t before

Recent polls reveal that some people have never been polled